As events unfold, and inquiry findings are made public, it turns out that ‘It will be a right good laugh’ maybe wasn’t the best reason to make somebody like Boris Johnson Prime Minister. It’s now becoming clear that Johnson himself shares the same levels of empathy and morality as a deadly virus that spreads and replicates with little regard for the damage it causes along the way as it does so. A bit like how he himself regards being a parent.

Many of Johnson’s supporters are still arguing that nobody else would have saved more lives during the pandemic than he did. But as we find ourselves today, a deadly avoidable crisis is underway. It is fuelled by NHS cuts, the neglect of social care, inequality, and the soaring cost of living. So, it’s fair to say that during the pandemic, and leading up to now, Harold Shipman and Fred West working as a tag team would probably save more lives than your average Conservative government.
This week the worms finally turned, and MPs voted overwhelmingly to sanction BJ over Partygate and lying to Parliament. Needless to say his remaining allies, such as Victorian death pencil Jacob Rees-Mogg, and Lia Nici MP for Grimsby (There’s a career on the up) were quick to leap to his defence. A difficult manoeuvre when you consider they spend most of their time on all fours somewhere around the vicinityof Johnson’s posterior. Mogg stated it was, “absolutely legitimate to criticise the members of a committee.” Pretty much how it’s absolutely legitimate to criticise the food at McDonald’s and point out it is shit even though they have presented you with exactly what you ordered.

Lia Nici felt compelled to speak at the parliamentary debate that was held on the issue of him having had a right royal knees up as the rest of the country suffered. She pointed the finger of blame, “At the people advising the then Prime Minister.” It’s actually a fairly solid argument when you consider how pissed most of them were at the time.

Emerging from the shadows, like a ghoul in a particularly hostile environment, former PM Theresa May really put the boot in and wielded one of the most stabby of knives. No real surprise when you consider how much she loves cutting things. Having a pop at their current leader Rishi Sunak for hiding from the whole fiasco,she then added a quick plunge and sideways slash at the bloke who took her job when she said, “It is important to show the public that there is not one rule for them and another for us.”

And let us not forget that Ms May’s ‘Rules for the Public’ include her tough stance on immigration. A rule that she created that eventually led to the Windrush scandal and some of our perfectly legal grandparents being deported from their homes using dawn raids. It’s reassuring to be reminded of the type of rules she holds so dear. Some say her hostile environment policies were inspired by how she treats her husband when he gets even slightly amorous.

Of course, we as a country have nobody but ourselves to blame for the likes of Johnson. We all knew what we were getting but you voted for him anyway. In his track record, he lied about the £350 million for our NHS from Brexit, lied about having an affair, lied as a journalist when he made up some quotes (and got sacked for it), lied for years about how many children he had, lying in defence of sex offender MPs, and lied in the biggest of ways when he told the absolute whopper “I do not lie, I did not lie to the House of Commons over Partygate.”
He’s well-named a pound shop Donald Trump. Trump is the only man that outdoes Johnson in the whole bending of the truth to an Olympic standard. It’s ironic when you consider Trump has one of the biggest lies in the world sitting on top of his head.

And if you are pro-establishment let’s not forget that under lockdown rules our own Queen had to attend her husband’s funeral alone as Boris and co did a peeved-up conga just down the road at Number 10. But of course, it wasn’t just our Queen who had to endure these restrictions, it was millions of us. Millions who watched loved ones die, who mourned alone, who endured in solitude. So, when we consider all of this, if there’s one final thing we could say to you Mr Johnson it would be to show some respect and brush your bleedin’ hair.