Have you ever heard a story in which the banks are the good guys? No? Neither has anybody else.

As much as you want to criticise the immigrants, the “woke” (whatever that means,) the gays, or Professor Plum in the dining room with a candlestick; the banks are the reason you were unemployed in 2008 and your mortgage/rent went up recently. 

Even the Monopoly guy would find the proposition of a bank taking the moral ground laughable. 

So, when we’re told that Nigel Farage was refused by a bank due to his moral compass, the sheer level of the man’s twattery should really sink in.

Being told that you’re an arsehole by a bank is a bit like being told you should’ve put a bit more effort in your outfit by He-Man.

After paying his million-pound mortgage, Coutts decided to forget about Nigel with the same rapidity he decided to forget about the daily £65 million pound he had promised the NHS in case of Brexit.

This is when the real problem emerged for Nigel: the fact that the bank wasn’t willing to bend the rules for him. And all that simply because the man has the same ideology of the people who were tried at Nuremberg.

“I don’t like being called racist just because I’ve spent decades fighting foreigners, especially in documents that would have been private if I hadn’t made them public myself,” was his sound logic.

The true horror is that – now – all this gives Farage a righteous attitude; like a true Robin Hood, Nigel tells us he’s fighting the bank not just for him, but the common man.

All the common men who work in a warehouse, shop at Iceland, and have paid multi-million pound mortgages. 

You have to know some of those, mind you. There’s no way the biggest Brexit promoter is disconnected from reality. 

We’re now ready for a plot-twist most Hollywood studios can only dream of: in a tear-jerking effort to let the little guy win, the Tory government rallied up around Farage.

A career in politics made by pushing xenophobe self-interests no matter the cost to the electorate, only worried in posh bank accounts. And then there’s Farage.

Nothing can be more different, surely. Polar opposites. 

Never mind that banks have been quietly closing accounts without giving their customers an explanation for decades, and that crimson marker will make impossible for said customers to find another bank, like bells around the ankles of a leprosy victim.

The important thing is that Farage, Braverman and Sunak banded together, almost like they’re cut from the same cloth after all.

For the good of all us peasants.

Because the elite isn’t self-serving in the least.