TUC secretary Paul Nowak said that energy suppliers have been allowed to laugh all the way to the bank, while a lot of families struggled to pay the bills.

This came after British Gas has reported a half-year profit of almost £1bn (£969m,) which mark an increase of 900% from last year.

EDF and Scottish Power had fared just as splendidly.

This came after having paid a sky-rocketing bill after the other, because “There’s an energy crisis.”

I’m not arguing energy is a tricky subject, but when you see energy suppliers growing their profit exponentially, there’s a dissonance here.

Surely there’s a regulator who supervises this kind of things, isn’t there?

There is. And here comes the gut-punch: the profit boom was largely thanks to a tweak to the regulator Ofgem’s energy price cap that allowed the supplier to recoup some of the costs of supplying its 10 million customers during the energy crisis, including the ones hit the hardest.

It doesn’t matter the incredible amount of profit energy suppliers are already making, it doesn’t matter many families had to choose between food or heating, it doesn’t matter that the country was already in the grip of recession and ever soaring-inflation, it doesn’t matter that British gas literally broke into the houses of vulnerable customers to fit pre-payment meters, it doesn’t matter that Chris O’Shea – Centrica’s Chief Executive (Centrica being British Gas parent company) – had accepted a £4.5m pay packet after the British Gas break ins have emerged; Ofgems still made the tweak to help the suppliers.

How all this can happen?

I have a theory.

When you’re having anal sex with a partner, there are three phases.

In the first, the partner is on their knees with tense arms, waiting to be buggered by you. Penetration hasn’t happened yet, but your knob is exercising a constant pressure on their arsehole, which in this phase is still reticent.

This goes on for a bit.

I see you know what I’m talking about. Good.

At some point, their arsehole opens up like a buttercup in the spring. Your member starts to open a passage. Your partner then turns toward you, with an expression of surprise painted on their face, like a cockroach stomped on by Mother Theresa.

Eventually, they shift their weight on their elbows and start moaning. And this is very exciting. For you. For them a bit less, because in this phase their arsehole burns like an onion ring.

Then suddenly, the third phase: they collapse, put their cheek on the pillow, arch their back, and offer you their ass completely open and already pitted. There’s no pain anymore, just pleasure and they shout “Oh yeah, yeah, please, yes! Oh God, yeeeeehss!”

Britain, with energy suppliers, is in this third phase.

“Aaaah yes, cum on my back! But mind the hair!”

900% of profit during a crisis.

Unbelievable.

But believable.

The reasons are three, like the phases of anal sex. Coincidence?

1. Having been told for months that because of Covid/Brexit/Ukraine invasion/your mother in law come visiting, energy suppliers had no choice but to drive prices up. One could argue that they could have been contented with a miserable, I don’t know, 400% profit, but it doesn’t change what this is: the constant pressure.
2. A political class definitely not concerned about how their electorate is going to reach the end of the month and the demagogy of some journalists. The abuse opens, there’s no more resistance.
3. The public’s attitude. I mean, not us: the others. Ready to love whoever profits from them. It’s the last phase: the submission orgasm.

Now, who tells you the right story, is doing journalism. Who tells you the story that energy prices can’t be brought down and the culprits are whichever scarecrows they have elected this day, is doing propaganda.

And if you don’t know the difference between journalism and propaganda, don’t worry: neither does Murdoch, yet he did great.

Some call this kind of propaganda disguised like journalism “intellectual prostitution.” But I disagree: there are lines sex workers won’t cross.