Here’s the link to the audio of my story ‘It’s about Time’ on YouTube.
Tag: Political
-
Here’s the audio of my story ‘Morphine’ on YouTube.
-
When journalist John Snow attended a Brexit rally in 2019, he famously said “I’ve never seen so many white people in the same place.” Well, it obvious he’s never been to Darlington or a gig by Mumford and Sons. Of course it’s completely unfair to say that everybody who voted for Brexit is a racist, but everybody who is a racist definitely voted for Brexit.
We could debate all day as to how Brexit has worked for us so far. With spiralling grocery and energy bills, strikes, huge inflation, and a collapsing NHS, Brexit is starting to feel for the UK a bit like what quitting the Royals feels like to Prince Harry… both may have seriously overestimated their usefulness and popularity.
But fear not, because now we have on the horizon a thing already being called Brexit 2. And this one is refreshingly more honest. This Brexit is definitely not about fake promises of NHS funding and definitely is all about stopping those brown people fleeing torture and war in tiny boats, and them seeking refuge in our country. And if you think it isn’t all about people’s skin not being white enough, stop and think for a second about our stance on Ukrainians fleeing war and torture compared to how we view people from Syria, Afghanistan, and Iraq fleeing exactly the same stuff.
“Ooh, if you put it that way, guvnor…”
So what is Brexit 2? Well, because the Tories were defeated in their hopes of shipping refugees off to Rwanda, they’re now considering asking you Joe Public to have another Referendum, so we can smash ourselves in the face with a metaphorical brick and leave the European Convention on Human Rights. Of course that won’t just affect refugees, that will eventually affect us too! If you’re struggling to imagine what living in a country with no human rights laws might be like, try and imagine a three-day trip on a Mega Bus without toilet breaks.
Judges overruled this draconian Conservative policy because they felt Rwanda may not be a safe place to send those fleeing war and torture. What Rwanda? That lovely friend of the UK that the US State Department in 2022 described as having significant human rights issues. Including reports of unlawful or arbitrary killings by the government; forced disappearance by the government; torture or cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment by the government ? That Rwanda? Surely not!
It’s no wonder Suella Braverman says we “Have a great relationship with Rwanda.” Which is like being assured that a bloke is an absolute angel with kids by Jimmy Savile. It sounds like they may be in charge of the next Tory manifesto. And Rwanda loves us back. No bloody wonder. They’ve been given 150 million upfront to accept absolutely no refuges whatsoever. Still, it’s lovely how you can walk anywhere in the Country and find a Johnny Thickaspigshit pontificating how are the immigrants that are allowed in the Country the reason why he struggles to pay alimony to his wife.
Is it time for humanity to have a long hard look into its soul and perhaps finally admit to ourselves that on Planet Earth… colour means everything.
Let’s consider some events of recent weeks to see if there’s anything in that, shall we?
Recently a migrant boat crammed with 750 men, women and children hailing from Syria, Egypt, Palestine, and Pakistan sank in the Mediterranean. 500+ are estimated dead. However, it’s fair that you may know nothing about this, because at the same time a submarine with five wealthy white people went missing. We already know which story filled the headlines. And if you know about the migrants’ boat, be honest, is it because you read a post on a social complaining that this story got no coverage or you heard it on actual news outlet? If only the submarine had drastically gone off course and bumped into the refugee ship, those 500 men, women and children might have stood a chance of being rescued. Maybe,even at the very least, they might have been viewed as ‘people’ rather than ‘migrants’. But in truth they’re not really like ‘people’ at all because they wear funny clothes compared to us lot. You just can’t empathise with somebody who seems to be wrapped up in towelling, it’s just not British.
Or even, and this is a terrifying one, is it because we’re encouraged all our lives to become billionaire and as far as possible from the world of those 750 people, that when a billionaire die, we feel the connection even though we’ve got nothing in common?
Of course, in the weeks since this media bias we see France has again erupted in riots after their notorious
police force shot and killed an unarmed young man we know as Nahel M. Accusations of racism are once again being levelled against them. To cover their backs on this the French police issued a series of lies in regard to Nihal’s character, and then said he tried to drive at police. Filmed evidence showed none of this to be true. What was true, was one of the cops said to Nahel, “You’re going to get a bullet in the head.” Since then cops have further tried to cover their backs by saying that Nahel stole some bullets from them and tried to hide them about his person.
Finally, all of this comes in a week when UK Cricket has been accused of being rife with racism, sexism, and elitism. This has been said to make UK PM Rishi Sunak “sad”. If you want to see the level of sadness racism inflicts on Sunak, you can Google “Sunak immigration raids,” to see a picture of the Prime Mister having a hearty laugh during an early morning immigration raid in Harrow, northwest London.Is it perhaps time to see our fellow human beings for what they are?People like us.To most probably not. (Looking at you GB News and fanbase) Maybe if we described it to you like this: if you drain all the water off of this planet that we’re on, you’ll soon realise we’re all standing on the same bit.
-
Dear Young People,
I know that many of you think my generation (I’m a pensioner) had everything handed to us on a plate. And although we had very different struggles from your generation, it by no way means I’m not willing to impart my life-learned knowledge to a bunch of youngsters who have never had it so good. That’s right, we can all see your free Wi-Fi and cavorting around with that gender fluid. All sounds rather mucky to me! What is a free Wi-Fi anyway? (I pronounce it Wiffy) Is it a cocktail? Anyhoo… back to my main point.
Thanks to the cost-of-living crisis this winter I nearly froze and starved to death. But did I complain? No, I did not. In fact, had I been found alone and frozen as rigid as the lovely Suella Braverman’s policies on immigration, I would have just accepted my lot in life. I always have, even when our hero Mrs Thatcher broke the unions and my husband Terry died of a stroke in his 30s due to the kicking he got off the rozzers on a picket line. Them’s the breaks. We didn’t fight two wars to have such freedoms taken from us.
Had the worst come to the worst this winter (As it so often does for voters like me) I even asked my dear neighbour Brian to speak at my funeral, and say something along the lines of, “Although it was sad that Jean was found frozen solid and starved to death this winter, as a true-blue Conservative and Patriot, it’s what she would have wanted.”
So, with that in mind, I’ve decided to put a list of things that you young people can do to help with the cost of living. Let’s face it you don’t want to die during a cost-of-living crisis because funerals are expensive. And yes, some of my tips do include getting rid of Netflix. Honestly, I don’t even know why you need the fancy telly when BritBox has episodes of The Nazi War Machine or Ms Marple on a 24/7 loop.
Here goes…
1.Free food can be found in unusual places. Now here’s a proper treat for lovers of foreign foods. They’re not for me as I have a delicate palate, but I know you young ones like diversity. Get your hand down the back of the couch and what do you find? That’s right! Bombay mix. My couch seems to be full of the stuff. Nobody has any idea why our furniture is full of this exotic treat. It’s probably a hangover from the Empire and all the folk we invited over. But I reckon there’s enough Bombay Mix in your average couch to feed a family of four for a fortnight. You’re most welcome.
2.Money saving tip number two. It’s that time of year again that few of us can really afford. The kids want toys and your relatives have already started posting you gifts. But you’ve got no money to reciprocate. So what do you do? Hide! That’s right, when Yuletide comes around you must hide at Christmas time. This one’s very simple, you get in the cupboard, get under the bed, and leave a note to family and loved ones saying “I’ve gone to Panama for a bit to check my offshore accounts. We’ll exchange gifts at a later date.” Then you come out a month later, and your loved ones will be so relieved to see you’re still alive that the whole gifts thing will be forgotten about. Bob’s you’re uncle money in the bank. Good-oh. We’re getting on a roll now.
3.Tip number three. Give yourself a skinhead. It’s actually quite a popular look these days, especially among many of my best friends. It particularly suits Nancy who runs the Croydon division of the women’s guild, although she might be stretching it a bit with the facial tattoos. Obviously, this saves lots of money on barbers, most of whom are Turkish these days anyway and you definitely want to avoid that lot. You can even do it with a sharpened shell or just rip it out at the roots. Considering how stressed we all are trying to understand pronouns as fancy as “they” and all these newfangled things, some of you may already be doing exactly that.
4.Tip four. Recycling is always important, but have you considered recycling your own urine? Now, as long as you’ve got access to a tap, and I appreciate some private renters may not, but as long as most of you have access to a tap then that gives you access to an unlimited supply of urine. And kidney stones, if you’re in London. But with the 65 million quid our NHS seems to getting everyday, having them removed will be a piece of cake, surely. As the planet slowly turns into a blazing inferno, water bills are only going to go up. If you ask me access to free water is actually Communism gone mad. It’s time we kicked such stuff back into line. So, here’s the solution, recycle and drink your own urine. Probably best not to drink the first wee of the day as that one may be a little bit tangy.
So there we have it. Please do join me again next week when I’ll be writing about immigrants and showing appreciation for the sadly bygone times of when our Empire went around to bring civilization to other people.
Cantankerous Cockerel 